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_92.webp "A married man says he became “obsessed” with another woman after meeting her at a course - but his wife has since forgiven him after realising it “wasn’t his fault”.<br/><br/>Ruth Perl, 58, and her husband David, 64, have spent 13 years recovering from the incident.<br/><br/>David never acted on his feelings towards the person he fancied - but he chose to tell the woman after confiding in Ruth.<br/><br/>He started researching an emotional experience known as ‘limerence’ - which means intrusive, romantic thoughts about another person. <br/><br/>David realised his feelings were unwanted - he had no control over them and wasn't interested in beginning an affair with the woman. <br/><br/>After telling Ruth about his realisation, the couple spent time rebuilding their relationship - and say they’re happier than ever.<br/><br/>David, a couples’ therapist from St. Albans, Herts., said: “It wasn’t a normal crush, it was weird and disturbing - but we’ve put in the years to heal ourselves since.<br/><br/>“It was a difficult one - I did end up telling the other person, as I was encouraged to do so through therapy.<br/><br/>“I think she was horrified - in hindsight, it was really unfair to put that on her.<br/><br/>“But it’s all about forgiveness, we’ve done the work and are happier than ever.”<br/><br/>David met the woman he developed feelings for on January 14, 2011 - after chatting to her at a training course.<br/><br/>Their conversation lasted less than 20 minutes, but David could feel he was “besotted” by her - without being able to put a finger on why.<br/><br/>“I’ve had crushes before,” he added. “We both have. But nothing like this - this was really unusual.”<br/><br/>David thought about her, night-and-day, for weeks.<br/><br/>He looked online at forums about “obsessive love” - and came across a post about limerence.<br/><br/>He said: “I thought, 'jeez, this is what I’ve got to a T.'<br/><br/>“Something’s not right - I was absolutely obsessed and I only spoke to her for 20 minutes.<br/><br/>“I kept going over every single word she said to me, every little action.<br/><br/>“The moment I’d wake up, I’d rehearse in my head what I might say to her if she came up to talk to me.<br/><br/>“I’d experience soaring highs if she replied to an email - and extreme lows if she didn’t.<br/><br/>“It was like an intermittent reward.”<br/><br/>Knowing the feeling wasn’t going to go away any time soon, he decided to tell Ruth - who also works as a couples’ therapist.<br/><br/>She said: “David told me, and this was all going on about five days after my dad’s funeral.<br/><br/>“I was in horrific grief at the time, and so my first thoughts were: ‘Oh, for god’s sake. How can you be so bloody stupid?’<br/><br/>“My dad had just died, and my husband wanted to p*ss off into fantasy land.<br/><br/>“We went into freefall, and it was a very, very difficult 12 months.”<br/><br/>After choosing to concentrate on grieving for her dad for a year, Ruth says she “finally had the brain capacity” to sit down with David, and ask him what was going on.<br/><br/>He hadn’t acted on his feelings - and actively decided he wouldn’t “consummate” the crush.<br/><br/>“David reached out to me,” Ruth said. “He asked me, ‘please help me understand what’s going on.’<br/><br/>“He was so confused. I asked him if he still wanted to be married, and he said, ‘I don’t want to throw away what we’ve got.’<br/><br/>“I told him to sit in the confusion, and I’d do what I could to support him.<br/><br/>“But I knew that what will be will be, we might not necessarily make it out of this.”<br/><br/>David said: “We started having marriage counselling - and one thing I want to stress is it isn’t an excuse to cheat.<br/><br/>“I was responsible for what I did - but it did make me realise that often, people don’t set out to have an affair.”<br/><br/>David explored some of the ways therapists encourage people to “heal” from limerence - including starving themselves from contact, or consummating it with the other person.<br/><br/>He settled on going to therapy, and letting the woman know he couldn’t speak to her anymore.<br/><br/>Now, David and Ruth help other couples going through the same thing - and have taught their children, Hannah-Mai, 32, and Isobel, 29, how to value their own relationships.<br/><br/>Ruth said: “It was important our two daughters knew about all this.<br/><br/>“They were older teenagers when this was all going on, and they understood it.<br/><br/>“We thought it was very important for them to understand that all marriages have differences - but you don’t throw the towel in when the going gets tough.<br/><br/>“Even when you’re talking about a full-blown physical affair. Once is a mistake, twice is a habit.”")
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_what39s-new-on-disney-124-for-may-2024.webp "Here’s a sneak peek at what’s coming to #DisneyPlus in May 2024:<br/><br/>May 1 – Daredevil (2003)<br/>May 1 – Life Below Zero: First Alaskans (Season 3)<br/>May 1 – Star Wars: The Bad Batch (Season 3, Episode 15)<br/>May 1, 8, 15 – X-Men ‘97 (Season 1, Episodes 8–10)<br/>May 4 – How Not to Draw (Season 2, Episodes )<br/>May 4 – Star Wars: Tales of the Empire (Season 1)<br/>May 5 – Monsters at Work (Season 2)<br/>May 7 – Billy & Molly: An Otter Love Story<br/>May 8 – Let It Be<br/>May 8 – Me & Winnie the Pooh (Season 1, Episodes 10–25)<br/>May 8 – Playdate with Winnie the Pooh (Season 1, Episodes 11, 13–15)<br/>May 10, 17, 24, 31 – Doctor Who (Season 1, Episodes 1–6)<br/>May 15 – Big City Greens (Season 4, Episodes 6–9)<br/>May 15 – Dino Ranch (Season 3, Episodes 12–15, 17)<br/>May 15 – Queen Rock Montreal<br/>May 22 – Chip ‘n’ Dale: Park Life (Season 2, Episodes 14–18)<br/>May 22 – Marvel Studios’ Assembled: The Making of X-Men ‘97<br/>May 22 – Mickey Mouse Funhouse (Season 3, Episodes 1–5)<br/>May 24 – The Beach Boys<br/>May 28 – Gordon Ramsay: Uncharted (Season 4)<br/>May 31 – Jim Henson: Idea Man<br/><br/>And stream all of these and more with #HuluOnDisneyPlus for Disney Bundle subscribers:<br/><br/>May 1 – 13 Going on 30<br/>May 1 – Elvis (2022)<br/>May 1 – Fantastic Mr. Fox<br/>May 1 – Once<br/>May 1 – Rushmore<br/>May 1 – Shardlake (Season 1)<br/>May 1 – Sideways<br/>May 1 – That Thing You Do!<br/>May 1 – The Beach<br/>May 1 – The Darjeeling Limited<br/>May 1 – The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou<br/>May 1 – The Royal Tenenbaums<br/>May 1 – Walk the Line<br/>May 3 – Die Hard <br/>May 3 – Die Hard 2<br/>May 3 – Die Hard with a Vengeance <br/>May 3 – Live Free or Die Hard <br/>May 3 – A Good Day to Die Hard <br/>May 3 – Prom Dates<br/>May 3, 10, 17, 24, 31 – Welcome to Wrexham (Season 3, Episodes 1–6)<br/>May 9 – Black Twitter: A People’s History (Season 1)<br/>May 13 – Crash (Season 1, Episodes 1–6)<br/>May 13 – Making of an Activist<br/>May 15 – Uncle Samsik (Season 1, Episodes 1–9)<br/>May 16 – Paddington<br/>May 17 – The Sweet East<br/>May 17 – He Went That Way<br/>May 22 – Chief Detective 1958 (Season 1)<br/>May 23, 30 – The Kardashians (Season 5, Episodes 1 & 2)<br/>May 29 – Lainey Wilson: Bell Bottom Country")
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